the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
