do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
