if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
...so i touched it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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