They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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