We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
