Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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