After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
