Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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