I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
