My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
