Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
