Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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