: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
