I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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