guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
