The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
