Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
