and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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