I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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