I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's shark week go big or go home
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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