What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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