Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
