none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
