the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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