My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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