I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
