im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
