Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
