her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
