is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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