didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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