dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
