I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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