she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
