Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
