How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
