On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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