By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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