I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
