Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
