We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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