Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize