No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
