how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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