is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
