just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
