My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
