Swine flu. Run for my life!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I checked into jail on foursquare
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
