You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
