jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
false alarm. still invincible.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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