I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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