need another drink. this is the easiest way
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize