You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
