I just saw a hot homeless man
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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