He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
