why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Found your dick twin last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
