i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
