You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Randomize