I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
