Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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