1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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