he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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