How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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