Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
