i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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