I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
