Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
