The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
