theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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