Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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