Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
