My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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