I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
