yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
