the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
