you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
