You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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