why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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