he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
