Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
