Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
