No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
