and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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