I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You made out with two different species that night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
