Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
