Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
